Today I could write about any number of things. I could muse about how frightening it is to watch The Public en masse, which I had an opportunity to do over the weekend, and how John and Jane Q. Public look unhealthy and inbred, and how much I hope that I don’t look like that. I could admit that I’ve become mildly addicted to a cartoon called The Venture Brothers (thanks a lot, Russ!). I could tell you how excited I am that my parents’ blueberry bush is producing more fruit than they can possibly eat, so I get to pick as many berries as I want. I could describe my current intolerable editing project, which features characters named Victoria Stigmata and Timothy Tabernacle. But instead, I’m lifting a meme from The Havens.
1. Who was your first prom date? Prom? Is that the teenaged social ritual that involves bootleg liquor, a summer-job’s-worth of wages spent on a limousine rental, and an unexpected pregnancy resulting from ill-advised overindulgence in barely-legal coitus? I skipped all that. Yeah, so maybe it was because I had no friends and no member of the opposite sex or even indeed my own sex would have come within a mile radius of me, but that’s not the point. I wouldn’t have gone anyway. No, I wouldn’t. So there. Nyaah.
2. Do you still talk to your first love? My first true and lasting love was literature. I don’t think we ever talked much.
3. What was your first alcoholic drink? Bailey’s Irish Cream. And yet, I somehow grew up to be straight.
4. What was your first job? Bookstore clerk and general factotum. However, at the age of seven, I attempted to start a home business as a private detective. Sales were slow.
5. What was your first car? I bought my first car when I was 24; it was a Honda Accord which I purchased from a lady running for the Oregon legislature. That’s right — I bought a used car from a politician.
6. Who was the first person to text you today? My sexy concertgoing/smooching partner.
7. Who is the first person you thought of this morning? See #6.
8. Who was your first grade teacher? I have absolutely no idea.
9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane? Um? I’m not completely sure. Disneyland, I think.
10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk? Josh, and thank God, yes, we do.
11. Where was your first sleepover? I never did this. I don’t know whether boys who have friends do this, or if it’s a girl thing.
12. Who was the first person you talked to today? A real estate agent who called me at 8 in the freaking morning on a Saturday. Doesn’t he know I have a gorgeous Amazon in my bed to whom I’d much rather be talking at that hour? Geez.
13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time? I’ve never been in a wedding.
14. What was the first thing you did this morning? The first thing, or the first interesting thing? The first actual thing I did was to get out of bed. The first interesting thing I did was to caramelize some onions. Then I went back to bed.
15. What was the first concert you went to? I don’t remember.
16. First tattoo? I am inkless, though I’m still contemplating getting a semicolon somewhere. Garamond font.
17. First piercing? I need a piercing like I need a hole in my head. Get it? Get it???? *rimshot*
18. First foreign country you went to? Canada. That’s also the only foreign country I’ve been to.
19. First movie you remember seeing? Singin’ in the Rain. I have seen this film at least thirty times.
20. What state did you first live in? Oregon. I’m still here.
21. Who was your first room-mate? I had three roommates in a thing called a “quad” at Oberlin. At the moment, I can’t remember any of their names. I think I’ve blocked them out of my memory due to the horrible trauma that was my college experience.
22. When was your first detention? I wasn’t ever sent to detention.
23. If you had one wish, what would it be? I would wish for a wallet that always contained $500 in fifty-dollar bills.
24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance? I would like to learn to parallel park competently.
25. Who will be the next person to post this? I’m guessing … Truce.
July 12, 2009 at 6:08 am |
Wow! Somebody actually took a meme from my blog. It was a fun one, wasn’t it?
BTW, boys do have sleepovers. I love your answer to the prom question. Your answer to the piercing question is much the same as mine, but so much more eloquently put. Is that because you are a copy editor?
Singin’ in the Rain is quite possibly the best movie ever made. I don’t know if we’ve seen it 30 times, but it is way up there and it is permanently saved on our TIVO. I’ll bet you would like Royal Wedding took and if you haven’t seen it, at least give it a try and watch until they do the number “How Could You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You When You Know I’ve Been a Liar All My Life”.
Have a great day and enjoy that Amazon!
July 12, 2009 at 9:47 am |
I fear that being a copyeditor is no guarantee of eloquence, though it’s a pretty good guarantee of pettifogging nitpickery.
I’ll take a shot at “Royal Wedding.” I have seen SITR so often, in fact, that I can quote long portions of the script from memory. My mother and I have many dialogue loops that apply to situations we find ourselves in, particularly Cosmo Brown’s hilarious adaptability when he’s offered a promotion and declares: “At last, I can stop suffering and write that symphony,” only to be fired shortly thereafter, at which point he says: “At last, I can start suffering and write that symphony.”
July 12, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Royal Wedding has next to no plot but the song and dance numbers are wonderful.
Cosmo Brown is a fascinating character. I like that scene too. I don’t have a lot of dialogue memorized, but boy can I sing the songs.
July 12, 2009 at 6:55 am |
Ah, this was touching, sweet and, in several cases, vaguely reminiscent of my own youth. I, of course, don’t have an Amazon in my bed (I am the Amazon), but there are number of answers here where mine would be similar.
I like the wallet idea. I’ll have to have my mage husband work on that.
And I remember the name of my first grade teacher (though not the teacher herself): Mrs. Brizendine. It was an odd name and I liked how it sounded.
July 12, 2009 at 9:48 am |
Brizendine, eh? Kind of sounds like an OTC topical disinfectant.
July 12, 2009 at 10:25 am |
Very interesting post. I thought only girls did the number thing with questions about themselves. I will have to check my stereotypical attitude at the door next time. I don’t actually do this kind of thing, but, maybe – I might.
#24. lol. I grew up on a farm, there you learn to drive as backwards as fast you do forwards. Parallel parking is as easy as whistling for the cows. Being street smart, though, is something I have no concept of.
July 12, 2009 at 11:01 am |
I think only girls do them in emails, but the blog meme seems to be gender-neutral.
July 12, 2009 at 2:39 pm |
Hi, Just happened to find this today, and looks like I got lucky! I got to find out a great deal about you in one swoop.
I was glad to see Ivory’s comment, because I was afraid it was a “men’s only” blog… and I found your writing style quite interesting so I hope I am welcome to return.
July 12, 2009 at 5:10 pm |
Welcome to you. Quite the contrary; I believe the majority of my readers are female. At least, the majority of my commenters are.
July 12, 2009 at 2:40 pm |
PS, I didn’t go to prom either. Never thought it a great loss.
July 12, 2009 at 3:58 pm |
Most of your answers did not surprise me; however, I was a little bit shocked by the fact that you text message. I used to hate text messaging. I’d much rather talk to someone. Now that it has become more of the norm, I have taken to texting. Which brings up the issue of the word “text.” In the sense of it being used as a verb, I’m just not sure how I feel about the past tense being “texted.” That just bothers me. “Text” is so arrogant that it made itself into a verb and now refuses to be pigeonholed into a conjugated form that I find acceptable.
Back to you, I just find it intriguing that you are there hunched over a cell-phone reading and pushing buttons to contact your lover in some abbreviated form.
July 12, 2009 at 5:11 pm |
I’ve always had weird issues with talking on the phone, even to people I like or even love … I’m highly attuned to people’s personal energy, so the lack of “cues” in a phone conversation tends to bother me. I’d rather have the completely flat affect of text, sometimes.
Plus, the lover and I can text each other naughty messages which might be awkward to verbalize when one of us is at work.
July 12, 2009 at 5:46 pm |
marvellous little meme. I shall probably steal it, you’re right…
btw, I say go for it on #16. Best idea for a tat I’ve heard in ages.
July 14, 2009 at 9:47 am |
One of the coolest tattoos I ever encountered was on the hip of a young lady who was a professional oboist. She had the brand of her beloved oboe tattooed there.
July 15, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Strasser? Benwal?
July 12, 2009 at 7:41 pm |
I’ll be stealing this also.
Yes, boys have sleepovers. When my brothers were young, one had to step over a sea of bodies to get to the kitchen.
July 12, 2009 at 7:56 pm |
I can vouch for the boys’ sleepovers… I have two sons and they have had many.
In addition, my brother used to have friends sleepover, on occasion, and I used to devise the best schemes to cause them grief during those events….
July 13, 2009 at 4:53 am |
I really have to take issue with Number 3.
July 13, 2009 at 11:58 am |
Wait… Victoria Stigmata? I’m still stuck on that.
July 13, 2009 at 5:12 pm |
While I loved your meme, because David, you never fail to amuse me, I’m still back there with Victoria Stigmata, and I suspect she’s coming with me for the rest of the day.
July 13, 2009 at 6:47 pm |
The mind is truly boggled, is it not?
July 13, 2009 at 5:14 pm |
Btw, I read the title of this post and was tingling with excitement at the thought of a David-commits-a-minor-felony tale. Just saying.
July 13, 2009 at 6:48 pm |
Maybe later.
Thus far, the sum total of my villainy consists of having stolen 25-cent donuts from the Oberlin Graphic Services breakroom when I was in college, starving, and broke. It’s on my rap sheet.
July 13, 2009 at 5:19 pm |
@doctordi: hahaha, I needed a laugh, thank you.
July 14, 2009 at 12:13 am |
It is. Boggled. Truly. I mean, STIGMATA?! Come on!
Shen, I usually head here when I need a laugh myself, so I’m happy to oblige.
David, if Oberlin Graphic Services was London circa-1788, that would have been more than enough to get you transported to the penal colony now known as Sydney, Australia. We love your doughnut-thieving kind around here, our history books are full of ‘em.
July 14, 2009 at 9:08 pm |
[...] 14, 2009 by sledpress This has been flying around (via Healingmagichands and the Quotidian Vicissidude). It always intrigues me a bit to find out my own answers to a list of questions like [...]
July 15, 2009 at 10:52 am |
[...] 15, 2009 · Leave a Comment Ok, I’m stealing this meme from David. It looks fun (and I loved several of his answers, but especially [...]
July 16, 2009 at 8:40 am |
I’m quite interested in the circumstances around which you had to caramelize onions first thing in the morning, and then go back to bed. I mean, I understand the whole doing stuff and then going back to bed. But honestly, to chop and then cook onions seems as if you’ve kind of committed to the whole being awake and upright thing.
BTW, I love caramelized onions. What did you end up doing with them?
July 16, 2009 at 9:56 am |
Hi, LB –
The onions-and-back-to-bed thing has to do with the fact that my sweetheart and I have vastly different internal clocks. I naturally wake up around 7:30, no matter how late I’ve gone to bed; she wakes up around 10. So I get up and work or exercise or whatever for a couple of hours, and then I go back to bed for a while and snuggle and wait for her to wake up. On this particular morning, I caramelized the onions, then prepared an egg casserole to pop in the oven around the time I knew she’d wake up, so I could bring her breakfast in bed. Yeah, I know. We’re a little sickening.
July 16, 2009 at 11:17 am
I salute your choice to be sickening. Amazons tend to get shortchanged in the thoughtful gesture department. By the time a guy fixed eggs for me in the morning I was already old enough to be an antique if I was a car.
July 16, 2009 at 10:55 am |
I think it’s sweet. No one has ever carmalized onions for me… except for me.
July 16, 2009 at 1:40 pm |
You got eggs too??
Wow, I am definately doing something wrong.
July 16, 2009 at 1:40 pm |
and I can’t figure out how to get my comments to go onto the part of the thread that I am commenting on… so good luck to all figuring out what I’m talking about.
July 16, 2009 at 5:18 pm |
I have the “nesting” limited on these comments, which is why you can’t figure it out … it stops allowing that after three comments, I think. It tends to get kind of messy after that, so I figured people can probably follow without nesting, should the need arise. The option is pretty recent; and I like it, but it gets visually overwhelming after a few replies.
July 16, 2009 at 5:19 pm |
Sled — See, that’s just weird. You’d think that anyone with an Amazon girlfriend would be smart enough to keep her happy, ‘cuz if she’s not happy, she might, you know, do some ass-kicking.
July 17, 2009 at 5:32 am |
I was just talking to someone else about that. It’s a terrible thing to be a moral Amazon because you know in your heart that unlike a little lady stomping her little foot, you might really do some permanent damage.
Meanwhile, you attract guys who figure that if they latch onto a woman who can move a mountain, they don’t have to do shee-it. I dumped one guy right in the middle of a science fiction convention in a Boston hotel, back in ‘73 or so, because he seemed to think I should know where his socks were, “since I was taking care of him now”!
July 17, 2009 at 6:56 am
Hah! I think I nested!
I would like to know the exact qualifications of an amazon… How can I know if I am one, otherwise? Exactly how tall must one be. Is there a weight requirement? What about hair color?
Sled do you read Scifi, or write it as well? I write sci fi, but haven’t been to a convention in many years.
July 17, 2009 at 11:10 am
That really stinks, Sled. Srsly.
Shen — I don’t know how most men define an Amazon, but mine is a six-foot ex-Marine. If that’s not an Amazon, then I don’t know what is.
July 17, 2009 at 11:25 am |
I guess any woman who can perform feats of strength or endurance at a level parallel to or exceeding men is an Amazon in my book, double points if she is resourceful and/or has attitude. Impressive size and muscularity is a plus but probably not critical. I knew one Marine lady who just barely made the height and weight limit but she could be scary anyway.
I have read science fiction on and off for years (I teethed on wonderful old Lester Del Rey and Nourse and Andre Norton and Cordwainer Smith stories) but never wrote anything that got off the ground. So far. I did turn off a couple mystery novels, http://sledpress.wordpress.com/2009/06/09/pass-my-parasol-and-my-kevlar-vest/ though it was more of a practical joke to publish them. (Ok your turn, where would I find your stuff;)?) I only went to conventions a couple times to meet up with far flung friends, but I got to see Isaac Asimov and Harlan Ellison “do the dozens” once in person.
July 18, 2009 at 1:45 pm |
Okay, feats of strength and endurance… have to think about that one. I would say a six foot marine definately qualifies. I’m only 5′9″ so, I may be borderline… and I’m not so strong at this point – I spend too much time typing and not enough at the gym.
Darn, I was kind of hoping for amazon status.
As far as where you can see my work, the only thing I have published online is some poetry and articles and “EHow” and a couple online magazines. I am furiously working to finish my first book, right now, which is the first of a trilogy. I am actually looking for someone who enjoys Michael Chriton style sci-fi thriller stuff to read my book as I do the final edit, starting in September. My writer’s group is great, but they have seen the early versions and that makes them less likely to catch things in the final version because they might not remember what was included or left out in the final edit. We call it our “alternate reality problem”. Things that look good to me, are likely to look good to them as well because they have been predisposed to all the old stuff.
So, if you’re interested, let me know.
Meanwhile, I will check out your link now. THanks for sharing.
July 19, 2009 at 5:27 am
I would be all over that.
I put up a link on my blog to the Amazon page and later to Google Books where you can get more of the actual text, I don’t think Amazon has a preview.