Some of you may recall The Dire Illness through which I suffered (ungraciously) a couple of months ago, which necessitated the loan of a heating pad from my mother. I was quite taken with this handy object, the modern equivalent of that Victorian staple, the hot-water bottle. I have never been able to regulate the heat in my home at night to my satisfaction, and I find that my troubles are alleviated by turning my heat off completely at night, but having the heating pad on in bed.
Of course, I then invite the new trouble of Happy Cats. One of my cats has always slept with me, but now that I have a warm thing in the bed, I am quite smothered by all of my little friends. I wake up in the middle of the night trapped and suffocating; anyone who has ever slept with a cat is well aware of the fact that they expand during the night, reaching peak weight and size at 2 AM. They pin me down, purring. There is no escape. I may not survive another night.
Post Scriptum: Recently I have begun a regimen of fish oil, as recommended by my doctor. I didn’t realize you could get odor-free fish oil capsules, so I bought the regular kind. I won’t go into too much detail, but I will simply say that if you take one of these things before you go to bed, you run the risk of having them … repeat on you a bit, with dire results. This may also explain my newfound popularity with some of the more noticeably whiskery people in my house.
January 3, 2008 at 4:57 pm |
I woke up with the cat on my FACE the other day. I tell you, cats will sleep wherever they want to!
Odorless fish oil capsules! What will they think of next?
Oh! My daughter’s kitten, Naranja, just discovered tuna! He’s in heaven!
January 3, 2008 at 9:23 pm |
Fish oil cap with dinner will fix that part.
You could always spike the cats’ favorite sleeping spots (besides you) with rice-filled socks you’ve heated in the microwave. They still might migrate to you after they cool, but you’d get a little break!
January 3, 2008 at 10:33 pm |
OH! Thanks for the tips. I’ll remember to keep the odorless fish oil caps in the cupboard.
I’ve long slept with a heating pad set on low. Then I married my husband, the human heating pad. Now he’s so hot, he’s sweaty, so I might have to go back to Plan A.
My daughter sleeps with our kitty, which helps in that I don’t wake up with a mouth full of fur. When she goes to college, we might have to keep the door closed.
January 3, 2008 at 11:11 pm |
Corina — Kittens are so cute when they discover fish. And also when they do just about anything else.
LFC — Surprisingly, that doesn’t make much of a difference … I have pretty persistent acid reflux, so things, uh, haunt me for a long long long time. Rice-filled socks? What will you think of next???
Pan — I just can’t think of anything I’d rather do less than sleep with a hot perspiring person. You have my endless sympathies.
January 3, 2008 at 11:49 pm |
Don’t heating pads come with a warning that you shouldn’t sleep under them? I’m always tempted to fall asleep with mine plugged in, but visions of a horrible death by burning, fire, or electrocution always dissuade me.
January 4, 2008 at 1:00 am |
Number 437 on my list of reasons why I have a dog instead of cats.
Um. I don’t perspire at night, David. (wink)
January 4, 2008 at 1:42 am |
Perhaps you should consider sleeping with fish instead of cats at night. (That is before the fish get squeezed into capsules.)
I did meet someone once who had a large pound full of trout he raised for food. He had trained the trout to swim to the shore each night where they waited for him to toss fish food into the pond.
As far as I know, the trout did not join him at night in his bed, though I do not know that absolutely for sure.
January 4, 2008 at 1:43 am |
Waxing — This heating pad is older than I am,and has no warnings. It’s probably spectacularly unsafe. Oh well — at least I’ll die cozy.
Pmousse — But I bet you snore, and hog the covers. C’mon. You know you do.
January 4, 2008 at 1:50 am |
Mr. Random — You’re right; I’m doing this all wrong. I should be sleeping with fish, and taking cat capsules. Thank God I read your comment!
January 4, 2008 at 3:27 am |
While I was reading this, the cat I’m not fond of came over and walked on my bare shouders in her affectionate, claw & knead mode.
So not only are you attracting cats, even reading about your nightly habits attracts cats to the reader.
(I was tempted to make a crude reference about certain men wishing for your problem of having too much…. er, well I didn’t. Go me)
January 4, 2008 at 4:31 am |
I just sneezed thinking of all that cattail in your face. Like pmousse, I like dogs because they get too hot after a while and move to a cool corner on the tile floor.
January 4, 2008 at 5:57 am |
Hmmm…all this makes me glad there is nothing furry in my house – unless you count dust bunnies.
January 4, 2008 at 6:17 am |
Fish oil burps are just gross. Don’t know if my cats enjoy them, as I try not to get that up-close-and-personal with them when awake.
However, they must be related to your cats at night. The gray one sleeps between my feet and the white one alternates with sleeping on one of my sides or on my head. And 10lbs of cat is a lot on your head!
For me it’s less about suffocating from fur as it is suffocating from allergies and waking up to cramps from not moving for subtle fear of crushing a cat if I move a muscle. Bah.
And finally, you might try a heated mattress pad. They are the best invention ever, except maybe DVRs!
January 4, 2008 at 7:47 am |
Amuirin — It is a long-observed phenomenon that my blog is contagious, in a variety of ways. I can’t explain it, but I know it to be true. I’m sorry that you had to experience this in a clawful way, however.
Sarah — Yes, indeed they are gross. That is the only word for them. I think I’d be too warm with a heated mattress pad … the nice thing about the heating pad is that I can just put my always-cold feet on it, which warms me up all over.
January 4, 2008 at 10:57 am |
You could try getting them their own heated bed. The pet stores carry them and they’re not insanely expensive. Of course, they could be like mine who seem to prefer the top of my head and small of my back over all other sleep spots.
I can’t picture you tolerating fish oil burps.
January 4, 2008 at 9:22 pm |
This is just hilarious! I do know what you’re talking about. My sweetie’s cat loves sleeping with “Mommy”, as I am now known over there. My lap is no longer my own, it’s Boo’s. I am not allowed to move, unless Boo says it’s okay, and just recently, he’s begun waking up in the night and coming right up to my face. He sniffs around, then lies on my chest. I wonder what they’ll put on my tombstone if I died of too much “cat lovin’”?
January 5, 2008 at 2:42 am |
I do not snore. Hmmmph.
January 6, 2008 at 11:09 am |
My cat also has this expanding syndrome, where strangly 10 pounds of fur can take up more of the bed than me.
January 6, 2008 at 1:24 pm |
Hello, dear Julia — how lovely to see you! I knew you’d understand the Amazing Expanding Cat Syndrome, having been owned by a cat yourself for a long time.