Comments on: Everything Gone Awry

By: davidrochester

davidrochester — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 21:54:58 +0000

Holley — I would never delete your heartfelt comments (unless you wanted me to). I know my mother knows I love her, and I know she forgives me. But I am having trouble forgiving myself for not behaving better toward her in general.

Lydia — Thanks for the book recommendation; I’ll look into that.

Waxing — Oddly, now that I feel less like I’m dying, I feel even worse about my mother. For some reason it’s hit home just horribly that my time with her is limited. Ten years, twenty? Not a very long time. Difficult though it may be to believe this, I’m crying while typing these words. I don’t know why this is suddenly so much on my mind. I guess I just hate it that her life with my dad is so miserable, and the end of her life is in sight … and the only reliable pleasure she has is my company, and I’m pretty frequently a temperamental asshole. The whole situation is just killing me.

By: waxingstrange

waxingstrange — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 15:15:03 +0000

You’re not a bad son, you’re simply human. I’m not sure if it’s possible for a child to mirror the enormous, long suffering love of a parent for their child. I’m not sure there is a proper way to feel things. You have the gift of being a sensitive person, which gives you great insight. I wonder if things fall in a different light, now that you feel slightly less like you’re dieing. I hope so. I have often found that sound sleep, when I can get it, heals most of my distress.

By: missholley

missholley — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 17:21:15 +0000

I’m going to respond here before I read the other comments. I don’t want to be influenced one way or another in the message that welled up in my heart for you as I read this.

The arms of my heart, soul, mind and spirit are holding you close. I know that in all of the pain (physically and emotionally) you are feeling…you can’t feel me…but I’m holding you close nonetheless.

I’m going to attempt to explain the mother’s heart. We love our children, beyond measure. Truly…nothing can compare…and nothing can explain. The love we feel for our children is not of this earth…and has this kind of blessed blindness. It sees beyond and beneath temperament, and snappishnesses (wow, what a word!), and moods and anger. Your mother knows you. Your mother loves you more that life itself. And guess what? She knows that she is your world even when you snap at her. Yes, you’ve said things that you are not proud of…but you’ve also bought her lovely gifts, and spent time with her, and talked to her about life matters…and cherished her…just as she cherishes you.

Everyone snaps. We all do things that we are not proud of. You’ve done all that any human can do…you’ve apologized from the heart, and she has accepted. It’s okay.

(Please feel free to delete this if you want…I know that it can be embarrassing when my heart takes over my fingers, and makes me type this kind of stuff.)

By: the little fluffy cat

the little fluffy cat — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 22:43:12 +0000

As your biblio-curandera, I recommend Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity, which I just finished reading today. Politely ask your mother to acquire it, read it aloud on a cd, and drop the resulting cd through your alarmingly large mail slot. This will do a number of things–for one thing, it will tell your mother that you’re worried you’re being dreadful to her, for another, you won’t have to hold the book, you can just play it through what I’m sure are really egregiously wonderful stereo speakers. And it’s very possible in addition to all that it might clear up some stuff for you.

By: amuirin

amuirin — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 21:29:18 +0000

you are emotionally overwrought, and yet I notice yer still at the helm, so you probably want to be in control and not take advice.

but its not good for you what yer goin through currently. Instead of letting emotions run show, call mom, have her take you to doctor, allow yourself to be reassured. You don’t hafta go on a chaos tilt. O.K. to ask for help (and then take it)

good luck

By: modestypress

modestypress — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 21:05:27 +0000

That’s not great that you feel not great about this.

By: Shawn W

Shawn W — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 18:11:16 +0000

David, I have 3 sons and we are very close. They feel safer snapping or venting at me, because they know I will love them anyway. It’s not that it doesn’t hurt when they do it, I simply understand why. Of course, they are forgiven before they even ask, but it is nice when they apologize.

Stop tormenting yourself. Your mom has already let it go. You should too.

BTW passing out from the pain sounds like a pretty damn good reason to call an ambulance to me.

By: Robin

Robin — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 15:57:49 +0000

I’m sorry you’re feeling so awful. I hope you can make it to the doc soon.

As a mom, this was a little (just a little) reassuring as I have a son who tends to snap at me when I’m trying to help. It’s sort of nice to know that he might feel bad about it from time to time. On the other hand, though, I wouldn’t want him feeling this bad about it, or living in guilt, because even when he snaps at me, I want only the best for him.

Average Jane’s first comment was spot on. None of us are perfect sons or daughters. Or (in my case) perfect parents.

By: ybonesy

ybonesy — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 13:43:11 +0000

I always feel horribly guilty when I snap at my daughter. It’s a huge effort for me almost always when I’m with her to not snap. I grew up with a mom who often snapped, and it’s tough to not repeat what I learned. Oddly enough, I never get mad at my mom anymore, nor she at me.

Your symptoms sound alarming. The passing out, especially. I’d get to a doctor today for sure.

By: Mr. Hand

Mr. Hand — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 11:59:08 +0000

I really like the last line.

You are great.